Reclaiming Formal Living: How to Make Your Home Feel Special Again

By: Elizabeth Alice / Elizabeth Alice Studio

My favorite room in my home is the formal dining room.

The room took on a prominent role almost by accident. The previous owners of our house had remodeled the kitchen, removing the eat-in area and replacing it with a tall, bar-height counter. It wasn’t a practical setup for us, especially with a baby in a high chair and, later, toddlers. So, by default, we began eating in the dining room.

As the years passed and our family grew, we continued to gather in the dining room for meals. What started as a practical solution has become a cherished part of our daily life. That small touch of luxury has shown me just how much I love “formal” spaces—those that feel distinguished and special.

The Rise and Fall of Formal Spaces

Formal living and dining rooms have seen a drastic rise and fall in popularity. It wasn’t until the 20th century, when our grandparents were raising families, that the average household could afford separate formal spaces—and the china to go with them. Today, however, the concept of a formal room feels extravagant. We’ve started telling ourselves that if a space isn’t used daily, it’s not serving its purpose. Many parents, especially, feel pressure to devote every inch of their homes to children’s toys or entertainment.

We make light of our grandmothers collecting fine china and crystal, while we collect giant metal water bottles. Why did we stop allowing ourselves to indulge in such luxuries?

A Home Should Be a Sanctuary

Somewhere along the way, we’ve forgotten that our homes should be sanctuaries from life’s stresses. In focusing on function, we’ve come to believe that if a space isn’t frequently used, it’s a waste. But the truth is, it’s not that the space is unused—it’s that we don’t allow ourselves to use it. Deep down, we feel we don’t deserve it. While we do need to work, we also need to rest, and our homes should be designed for both enjoyment and function.

A mom friend of mine once shared how, in her remodeled home, there were no longer any distinct formal spaces. Standing in the middle of her house, she could see every room: the kitchen, dining area, living room, play area, and bedrooms. There was no place to hide the mess, and no room could ever be completely tidy.

Perhaps the open-concept floor plan has contributed to the stress many parents feel today. My mother and grandmother had formal living and dining rooms, where they could look in and think, “Even if the rest of the house is a mess, at least that space is tidy.” But today’s parents look around their homes and feel overwhelmed by the mess everywhere. If the whole house is chaotic, it can feel like their entire lives are, too.

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The Power of Formal Spaces

Formal spaces have traditionally been reserved for entertaining. Keeping a space ready for guests signals that we’re mentally prepared to invite people in. When the entire house is always in disarray, it’s harder—both physically and mentally—to open our doors and hearts to others.

Part of the issue is that we all have too much stuff. Due to cheap mass production, for the first time in history, the average person can accumulate far more than they actually need. Just as we’ve learned to control the quantity and quality of food, we need to apply the same principles to what we bring into our homes.

How to Reclaim Formal Living

Reclaiming formal spaces isn’t about square footage. Today’s average American home is larger than homes from past generations, when formal spaces were common. Yet, family sizes are smaller now. The desire for a formal space is more about your attitude toward your home. Your house doesn’t have to be purely utilitarian—you’re allowed to have nice things.

When I take the time to consider what I truly want and then invest in a quality piece, I treasure it for years. Rather than succumbing to fleeting trends or purchasing whatever I can find at a big-box store, I decorate thoughtfully. Sometimes, I’ll leave a wall empty for a year or more while I wait for the perfect piece of art to appear. Occasionally, I don’t know what I’m looking for until it crosses my path, and I’m so glad I left space for it.

Ironically, we often end up spending less money over time when we buy one good-quality item that lasts, rather than constantly replacing cheap things that wear out quickly.

Mixing the Old and New

My home is filled with a mix of old and new—lucky finds and a few investment pieces. Several pieces of furniture were passed down to me from older relatives who were downsizing. My antique Famille Rose plates on the wall were purchased at my neighbor’s estate sale. The transformation of your home doesn’t have to happen overnight, no matter what social media might suggest. When you decorate over time, you discover your own style.

People often walk into my house, where three little kids and multiple pets live, and exclaim, “WHITE dining chairs?! Oh, I could NEVER have that sofa!” My response is simple: my house is going to get stained, no matter what furniture I have. I’d rather have things I love with stains on them than things I don’t love that will still end up stained.

Add Real Art for Elegance

One of the best ways to elevate your space, to make it feel more formal yet still livable, is by adding real art. I often wonder why people will spend $3,000 on a sofa, $2,000 on a television, and $1,000 on a rug, only to hang a mass-produced print from a bargain bin on the wall.

Art is a great way to give your home an “old money” feel, blending seamlessly with your existing furnishings. Photographs are better suited to frames on bookshelves and tables; large photos on the wall often feel too modern to be formal.

Art that doesn’t perfectly match can be far more interesting than a room that is overly coordinated. Each piece of art should have a personality of its own, contributing to the room’s overall decor. And art should reflect something about the people who live there.

Enjoy Your Formal Spaces, Even with Kids

My dining room, still my favorite room, remains unfinished after nearly a decade of living here. I have plans to add molding and design custom fabric for drapes. One day, when there are fewer food spills, I’ll add an area rug. I only recently painted two pieces of art for the wall above my sideboard. I’m taking my time to make it right, but that doesn’t stop me from enjoying the space as it is right now.

You can have children and still enjoy formal spaces. I turned my formal living room into an art studio, so my family is left with just one designated casual living space. But I decided immediately that I wanted to decorate it like a formal living room, because it’s our only space to live. It has a big, comfy sofa, an original painting over the fireplace, and a television flanked by shelves filled with antique vases and silver plates. The carefully curated color scheme of powder blue, blush pink, and warm white is cheerfully interrupted by colorful baby and dog toys.

The True Meaning of Formal Spaces

My grandparents didn’t just have a formal living room—they used it. The label of “formal” didn’t concern them with trends, impressing their friends, or whether they were good enough to host. It simply meant they were ready to welcome anyone into their home, at any moment.

If we want to nurture our relationships, embrace hospitality, and enjoy welcoming people into our homes, we have to prepare both our physical spaces and our mindsets.

You have my permission to enjoy nice things. Prioritize making your home what you want it to be, and take your time to figure it out. You deserve formal spaces—and you deserve to use them!